200 Dollars: A One Month Consumption Diary in the Time of Covid
By Laura Sweeney
“Working women are experiencing the worst effects of the COVID-19 recession.”
The current economic downturn is disproportionately hurting women’s employment, which is more concentrated in sectors such as government, health and education. Ramifications could be long lasting.
—US Bureau of Labor Statistics, September 2020
$7.49
A six pack of paper towels at CVS that my EBT card won’t cover. But they have good coupons. You can find toilet paper in the store now. I checked for baby food but didn’t find chicken and gravy.
$5
Six jars of chicken and gravy baby food on sale at Walgreens, 4 for 5 bucks. My dog Freya has a bout of pancreatitis and the doc recommends a diet of chicken and rice, but she likes chicken and gravy. $336 for an emergency vet visit last Thursday. If you can’t pay that up front, they won’t see you. You know how they do vet visits these days? Over the phone, then come out to retrieve the pet and do the exams while you wait. I was lucky. We were lucky. Her bloodwork looks good. A hospitalization with fluids and IV could cost around $1000. Besides, she’s feisty. Will chew the IV out and won’t eat unless by my hand. But her diet of Hill’s canned i/d, chicken stew, Fortiflora probiotic, Omega 3 oil adds up. Plus, I give her turmeric to stave off tumors. And vanilla yogurt for the cultures. Not to mention Heartguard and Nextguard. This region is tick infested. And the doc said she needs a cardiac exam for her heart murmur. $200 on my credit card.
$4.19
McCormick’s organic turmeric. Curtails tumors.
Free, YouTube: All We Had with Katie Holmes (2016)
Opens with a scene about a single mother on the skids. She pulls a tooth by tying it to the ceiling in a public restroom and her daughter pushes her off the toilet seat. Dr. Jen Ashton on ABC news warned a tooth fracture is a painful thing. So we should take care during the pandemic. There’s a free clinic at SIU. But the last time they made a mistake and only cleaned two quadrants instead of four, so I have a lopsided mouth.
Where is my rock bottom? Is this it? How will I know?
$4.99
Per ¼ bag of cinnamon glazed pecans. At the Co-op. They accept LinkMatch, the Illinois EBT. Their sign out front says so. It used to say, “Frontline Workers Are Our Heroes.” Went to their deli to buy diced chicken for Freya’s puppy pate. $7.99/container. Grabbed egg salad for me and Gruyere cheese for a treat. No pico de gallo. Haven’t had pico de gallo for months. Flavors my scrambled eggs. I’m using salmon cakes I crumble in instead. This may all sound decadent. But for every $25 I spend at the Co-op when I use my LinkMatch card I get $25 in coupons for local produce. I wish I’d known that before I bought apples from Argentina.
Chatted with the checkout girl with the purple pigtails. We exchanged memories of goodies our mothers made at Christmas; my mother made sugared dates, her mother made candied pecans. Ah Christmas. Last year I watched the reboot of Little Women as my holiday movie. $5 Saturday morning matinee at the University Place theatre. Now they’re renting out AMC for groups of 20.
What will be on my wish list this year?
$1.99 + $1.99 + $2.99
There’s no ration on sugar or eggs or milk. There were limits on eggs last spring, 2 cartons per customer. Many shelves are still empty. The news emphasized this is not a food shortage. But I remember images of onions tossed out and milk drained due to supply chain issues. And my friend in international development said the developing world will suffer famine. The news also warned of hiked food prices. This region, a deflated coal mining region, already hikes its prices.
Free, YouTube: A Woman in Berlin in German with subtitles (2009)
Based on the story by Anonymous, depicts food shortage and famine in post-war Berlin. The protagonist, an attractive journalist, suffers multiple rapes, like many of the German women. Then seeks protection of the highest-ranking Russian commander.
From whom would I seek protection if our society collapses?
(Plus, I haven’t given myself a pedicure for months and my most recent haircut and highlights was last November. When this pandemic is over, I’ll go to the cosmetology institute, have my hair chopped for Locks of Love.)
$4.49
Steel cut oats at Schnucks.
$1.99 x 5
Barnum Animal Crackers. Good for iron. Oatmeal has iron too but my Cronometer tells me I’m low and no way I’m goin’ out to find liver. Yuck.
$2.68
Voortman’s orange wafers. I like the mouthfeel. And they remind me of my Grandma Sweeney. She served wafers with ice cream and chokecherry jam. I don’t buy them often. No nutritional value. I don’t keep cookies or candy or chips around unless you count my animal crackers, or Nabisco Wheat Thins or Triscuits. Which I eat with tuna or egg salad.
I don’t smoke I don’t drink I don’t do drugs I don’t chew gum. I do eat sugar wafers.
What do all these things have in common? Anxiety.
3/$10.99
I do drink seltzer water. Generic brand. Teaching night class I’d go to the gas station and grab a jalapeno burger and seltzer water. My students made fun of how many I drink per day. I’ve never counted. At least I can recycle the cans. Freya and I make a Saturday chore of it. Before we go to the tennis courts to hunt for balls.
Free, Carbondale Library Hoopla: The Girl from Petrovka with Goldie Hawn (1974)
A ballet dancer tries to make it in Soviet Russia in the sixties, under the Iron Curtain. She falls in love with an American journalist, a widower. One scene depicts her asking for his deceased wife’s lingerie. But she’s arrested. For parasitism. There are no short cuts the judge admonishes. As if she’s not been working and striving to make it on her own. She’s sentenced to five years in Soviet prison.
There are no short cuts. But working tax season, 60+ hour weeks, and serving 200 plus clients in less than four months, many of us would take the summer off and take unemployment insurance.
This we told ourselves was not parasitism. Because we worked hard all season for the government. And if the State wants us to come back next season, we need unemployment insurance to tide us over while we train to level-up.
I have worked many years teaching for the State for peanuts. So why not take the resources offered? If all goes well a vaccine will soon be nationally distributed. We all will be inoculated. Life will resume some semblance of normalcy. And by next fall I can be back at the university teaching for peanuts somewhere else. I want to earn my keep. I am not a parasite.
The Russian poet Joseph Brodsky was sentenced in 1964 to five years of banishment for social parasitism. His series of odd jobs and role as a poet were deemed not a sufficient contribution to society. In 1987 he won the Nobel Prize in Literature.
The Russian lyrics of the socialist anthem, “The International,” include a reference to parasites.
$4.98 + 2.49
Two boxes of organic popcorn. One half off. The doc says to avoid popcorn because it’s a high glycemic food. Not good for my hypothyroidism. But I need the fiber. Even though I eat a handful of Craisins a day. BTW, my meds, made of pig’s blood, have twice so far been rationed to 5/30.
$19.99
Went to that gas station where I get my car fixed. Needed air in my tire. Despite the coin shortage I had spare change. Scheduled an oil change. Need the rear end of my Camry fixed. The car accident settlement came to $3000. Put that in the bank for a rainy day. Paid for the gas on my Visa card. Then went to Walmart for frozen peas, $1/bag, and Freya’s Oinkies, $9.99/package. Put those on the credit card too.
Wasn’t it Suzi Orman who said if you are buying groceries and gas with your credit card something is wrong?
Free, Amazon Prime Video (Student): Wendy and Lucy with Michelle Williams (2008)
A homeless woman on her way to find work in Alaska is stranded in Oregon when her car breaks down. While waiting for the repairs, her dog is lost.
What would I do without my car or my dog Freya’s company?
$1.98
One slice of chicken pesto alfredo pizza at the Co-op. Freya and I discovered Crab Orchard Lake’s North Pond (and a confederate flag flying over the marina). Loved the prairie grass and wildflowers, as close to home as any park we’ve walked in the region. Drove to the deli afterwards for chicken nuggets and mixed veggies. Settled for pizza.
Often when we go to the parks they’re deserted. But when we see kids, they gravitate towards Freya. She wants to play, and the kids want to pet, but lately when they ask, I say “no.” It’s not them it’s the virus. I hate that moment.
$1.49
One small bag of candy corn at Walgreens. That kind of day. The doc says it’s okay to have a treat day. Besides, my diploma arrived. Freya and I were taking our constitutional on the front lawn when the postman handed me the package. “This is my diploma,” I told him, and he said, “Well, at least you have one.” I have more than one. Back home in storage. Still, I held it up to the sky and praised the universe for getting me through SIU. I’m now a card-carrying member of the MFA club. Fat lotta good it’s doing me. I have my diploma. I don’t have a job.
Free
Half gallon of milk. I checked and rechecked the receipt at Walgreen’s and the guy forgot to ring up my milk.
Free, Tubitv: The Prizewinner of Defiance, Ohio with Julianne Moore (2005)
An Irish Catholic working-class mother sustains her brood of ten kids in Podunk, Ohio during the 50s by “contesting” winning jingle contests. Meanwhile her deadbeat husband drinks everything he makes at the factory. One scene depicts her struggling to pay the milk man only to have her husband accidently strike her, knocking her to the ground, shattering the glass bottles and spilling the milk across the floor but mostly sucked up into her girdle. Her daughter grows up to write this memoir.
$8.99/month Netflix: Wildlife with Carey Mulligan (2018)
About a woman in Montana in the early 60s whose husband leaves to fight wildfires. She stays behind working odd jobs to support herself and her kids but ultimately relies on the world’s oldest profession to pay the rent, takes an older wealthier man as lover. Her husband lashes out, sets the lover’s house, and himself, on fire.
Momma always said, I may be struggling, but better to be alone than with the wrong man.
$2.99
Cottage cheese in this house is a staple. High in protein and Freya and I can both eat it. I used to have a diet, the doggie diet I called it. Wouldn’t eat anything unless Freya could too. She likes candy corn, a sure sign she is my girl. But it doesn’t go both ways. I don’t eat her baby food.
$3.49
Six cans of pineapple juice. For my smoothies.
$9.99
Mixed frozen berries. For my smoothies.
2 for $2
Yogurt. For my smoothies. Two Good Greek because its low sugar but the girl in the purple pigtails said Chobani is better, six active cultures.
$25.99 or 35.99
Bought another blender. I’ve bought two maybe three during this pandemic. They’re supposed to have a two-year warranty. Mine last at best six months. This is the second model I’ve bought at Ace Hardware. But I don’t like the plastic cup’s taste.
Free, YouTube: Kate and Allie, sitcom with Susan Saint James & Jane Curtin (1984-89)
Two divorcees, best friends and roommates, raise their two daughters in Greenwich Village. Jane Curtin’s character is a wiz in the kitchen, while Susan Saint James’ character is a total flop. Watched this as a teen on that green tv with the rabbit ears and only four channels: 5 8 13 and 11. By then my father was out of the house and it was just my mom and sister and me.
The theme song is comfort.
This would have been around the time of the 80s recession, when my father lost his job, my mother returned to college, and I worked part-time at a clothing store to help support us.
$60.00/month
Frontier internet service.
$1.30
Two cranberry orange cookies bought with my tax refund interest check. $1.30 per cookie but the bakery lady said, “They seem to be smaller these days,” gave me two for the price of one.
$3.50–6.50/bag
Turkey breast at the Co-op. For Freya’s pills.
$1.88
Chocolate milk, Fair Life, 200 calories. Good for calcium and vitamin D.
$2.93
Musselman’s unsweetened apple sauce. 100% vitamin C per ½ cup.
$3.59
Parmesan cheese. 4% Calcium. For my peas and tuna. Freya likes it.
Free, Amazon Prime Video (Student): Little Pink House with Catherine Keener (2018)
About EMT Susette Kelo and her fight against eminent domain. Riffs on Mellencamp’s Pink Houses. Reminds me of the 60s folk song, Little Boxes. Depicts a valiant effort to hold onto a house and neighborhood she can call her own. Despite Pfizer’s determination to develop the land. Throughout this pandemic I’ve been thankful for my house, even the critters, like the camel crickets that clutter my foyer. I may rent this little white box, but at least no one is trying to take this away from me. In fact, my landlady reduced my rent (good deal since I paid $150 for Terminix).
Wasn’t it the Financial Peace Institute who said all you really need is the Four Walls? (Food, Clothing, Transportation, Shelter.)
Malvina Reynolds composed the song “Little Boxes” in 1962 about ticky-tacky suburbia. A hit for Pete Seeger in 1963.
In 1977, Reynolds became an associate of the Women’s Institute for Freedom of the Press (WIFP) composed of women who worked for media or were interested in how the media covered women and their concerns.
Notable associates include poets Audre Lorde, Marge Piercy, Adrienne Rich, Ntzoke Shange.
In her later years, Reynolds made appearances on and contributed material to PBS' Sesame Street.
2/$6
V8 low sodium vegetable juice. While in graduate school I worked as a state employee for several institutes. We were eligible for two free nutrition sessions per year. The nutritionist suggested daily snacks like boiled eggs, string cheese, almonds, peanut butter with celery. I hate celery. But I like V8 low sodium juice.
$4.99
Garlic/Herb/Olive Oil or Rosemary/Sea Salt almonds. Good for vitamin E. After graduate school, I worked at a law office. Mornings I’d walk the rail-trail downtown. Sometimes stop at the Vinyl Café for a breakfast burrito or scone or peach parfait.
2/$6
Black Forest Organic Berry Medley Gummies. Good for vitamin C. The nutritionist didn’t recommend it.
$4.49 x 6 bags
Oberto Spicy Sweet jerky at Rural King. 13% sodium. I stockpiled jerky when the crisis hit.
My trainer recommended it while I was weightlifting pre-Covid. $42/month for the gym membership I canceled. Even though the manager emailed us not to because trainers are having a hard time making ends meet during the pandemic. The news says gym culture may forever be changed.
I was eating Lorissa’s jerky but that brand is tough for my taste. So, I took six bags out of my stash to donate to the Good Samaritan box at the Co-op. The girl with the purple pigtails thanked me.
$3.99 Amazon Prime: I Am Woman with Tilda Cobham-Hervey (2019)
Helen Reddy died. Damn. Heard the news and emailed my mother, “I was destined to be feminist raised on that soundtrack.” I don’t tell her I’m on food stamps. When she calls or emails I say I’m used to living on a sliver of a stipend. I know how to ssstttrrreeetttccchhh resources.
When the crisis hit, the Gov. of Kentucky encouraged self-care. According to him that includes food stamps and Medicaid. And any other resources for bills like heat or energy.
“Take it easy… but take it,” Studs Terkle said about The Great Depression.
The benefit paid to unemployed people in the UK has been known as the dole since the end of the First World War. The word comes from the term “doling-out,” as it was seen as a charitable gift from the state, after the trauma of war.
Of Germanic origin, the noun dole is from Old English dāl, meaning division, portion, share (dāl was a parallel form to dǽl, which is the origin of the noun deal).
To receive the benefit is to be “on the dole” meaning “one's allotted portion.” My allotted portion per COVID-19 is $198 per week for up to 39 weeks or until December 26 when Congress cuts off the benefits unless they agree upon another relief or stimulus package. I’m also eligible for $198 per month in EBT food stamps. Having graduated into this pandemic with no job and a pre-existing lung obstruction I qualify. My benefit is calculated upon a percentage of my instructor of record stipend.
a lexicon
as poor as a church mouse//brother can you spare a dime//cash strapped//down and out//expended//flat broke//getting by//hard-pressed//in dire straits//jobseeking//keeping the wolves at bay//living on a shoestring//making ends meet//no money whatsoever//on the skids//poverty stricken//welfare queen//running on empty//scrimping and scrounging//threadbare//up shit creek without a paddle//vagrant//without a red cent//existing//abysmal//pauperized
What am I learning about life on the dole???
$12.99 HBO Hulu trial add on: The Fever with Vanessa Redgrave (2004)
Vanessa Redgrave’s character wrangles with conscientization about her obscene middle-class privilege and our culture of consumption. She writhes on the floor in anguish in a hotel bathroom somewhere in a developing country…
Unfortunately, the K-shaped curve of economic impact and recovery is real. Some working women are getting by okay in this crisis in terms of holding onto their job or saving money they would otherwise be spending on shopping or in restaurants or vacationing. Some working women are secure in their Four Walls. But for other working women, displaced by COVID-19, life on the dole is that downward line of the K-shaped model. And it’s not a vacation. It’s an active time of struggling to cope with the dire needs of extremity.
Preachers on TV say the Israelites in the wilderness did not question manna, the substance miraculously supplied as their food. The term manna itself means “what is it” in Hebrew. This “what is it” is a lifeline for those suffering exile and disparity.
It takes a lot of grit to live with such daily uncertainty, to maintain blind faith that if one treads water somehow resources will appear and things will look different in six months or a year or several. Despite my academic privilege, for now I am that woman treading water, surviving on manna.
Manna is also known in the Bible as the “bread of heaven,” “corn of heaven,” “angel's food,” and “spiritual meat.”
$4.79 marinara sauce
Schnucks ravioli generic brand with St. Louis meat sauce. I nuke it in the micro in my glass measuring cup, sprinkle Tony Chachere’s Creole seasoning on top. Cronometer says this is a high sodium food. But it’s also high in protein, iron and potassium.
$9.99
Chicken nuggets and mixed veggies at the Co-op.
Free, Amazon Prime Video (Student Membership): Two Glorias with Julianne Moore (2020)
Speaking of consumption…Gloria Steinem famously did an undercover expose of women’s exploitation as playboy bunny waitresses and the hardships they faced. I watched A Bunny’s Tale, read her books back in the 90s, Revolution from Within and Outrageous Acts and Everyday Rebellions. Used MS. magazine in my gender justice classes. Always been a fan. She’s so chic and smart and well-traveled. I like her one liners, “A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle,” and “The truth will set you free but first it will piss you off.”
Gloria Steinem is a notable WIFP associate.
What would Gloria say about my situation?
If I were to write a logline for WIFP about surviving this pandemic it might read something like this…
A Woman Alone in the Time of COVID with Anon and her darling dachshund (2020)
A biopic about a writer in mid-life who graduates into the 100-year COVID-19 pandemic, the worst economic crisis since The Great Depression, and the greatest public health emergency in United States history. Lacking resources, the protagonist is forced to go on Pandemic Unemployment Assistance, and to stay on alone in a small college town, one state away from friends and family. Due to her pre-existing health conditions, she self-quarantines, with only her dog as company. This is a hard times account about a feminist idealist and her faith and footsteps in uncertainty. A portrait of a woman struggling to rise above economic descent. A poignant reminder for working women that they are only one paycheck or one pandemic away from losing their American dream. Not elegy not poetry not novel just sheer grit.
Laura Sweeney facilitates Writers for Life in Iowa and Illinois. She represented the Iowa Arts Council at the First International Teaching Artist's Conference in Oslo, Norway. Her poems and prose appear in sixty plus journals and ten anthologies in the States, Canada, Britain, Indonesia, and China. Her recent awards include a scholarship to the Sewanee Writer's Conference. She is a PhD candidate, English Studies/Creative Writing, at Illinois State University.